Fitz's Kitchen Sauce

For the 70 years, chefs around St. Louisville have attempted to replicate the tangy hamburger sauce that was dolloped on hamburgers at that dumpy converted A&W root beer stand that was known as Fitz's.

Most recipes were far too complicated or used expensive ingredients.  It finally occurred to me that a great sauce should have four qualities: First, it should be quick to make.  Boiling, heating, stirring, watching, letting sit overnight were verboten.  Second, the ingredients should be cheap.  A base such as Durkees is far too expensive.  You don't want to give away your profits in the sauce.  You also want to use ingredients that should be readily available.  Don't use as a base some exotic ketchup that your obtained from Harry & David's.  Finally, you need a secret ingredient which does not violate any of the other requirements.  Do eschew saffron at $60 an ounce.

With these thoughts in mind, I set out to replicate Fitz's Kitchen Sauce as best as my palate and memory would serve.  Here goes:

• Blend equal parts of mayonnaise, sweet pickle relish drained, and Maull's regular barbeque sauce (the secret ingredient) -- a St. Louis staple condiment since the 1930s.  Then, blend in 1/4 part plain old white vinegar to give it the tang.  I'd use Kraft or a cheaper mayo rather than a more premium brand like Hellmann's.  Remember, Fitz's was a dive that was mixing this "special sauce" in great batches and would have used ingredients that were available cheap in bulk.

If you prefer, add some chopped raw onions when done.

While this may be precisely the sauce you remember, it will do the job.

The One, The Only -- Meatloaf

Having faithfully followed about 6,076 meatloaf recipes, I'm always left with this indescribable emptiness which translates to there's got to be better. The requirements are quick, simple, foolproof, and wunderbar. After nearly a lifetime in the kitchen, I finally hit pay dirt:

2lbs ground surloin or chuck. Chuck preferred owing to higher fat content = more flavor
3/4 cup Heinz catsup (Damn it, I said Heinz)
1 pk Lipton onion soup
2 tsp ground cumin
2 eqgs
2 crushed lightly salted matzoh

Mix above crud gently and lightly fill an 8 x 8 x 4 flat baking pan or dish. (I use one of the good old fashion green jade-ite fire king dishes, which unfortunately are no longer manufactured.) The short, flat dish is critical. If you use the typical rectangular loaf pan, the cooking will be uneven.

Glaze with Bennett's Chili Sauce (This time I didn't say Heinz)

Bake in pre-heated oven at 350 for 50 minutes

As I review the ingredients, I wouldn't be surprised if that damn stuff ain't kosher.

Andoo's World Renown Spaghetti Sauce

My late 1970s entry in the East Elephant's Breath, Montana Spaghetti Cook-Off.

Brown two pounds ground beef [cheap fatty stuff; do not use lean] with sprinkled coarse black pepper.

Braze in olive oil:

1 pound quartered mushrooms
2 medium onions diced
2 medium green peppers diced
3 stalks celery sliced

Braze celery first, then add green peppers, then onions, then
mushrooms. Sprinkle paprika over mixture while brazing.

Mix browned beef (and fat) and vegetable mixture.

Stir in:
2 12 oz cans of Contadina tomato paste
3 12 oz cans of Hunts Special [or with herbs] Sauce

Add following spices:
2 bay leaves
1 1/2 tsp. oregano
1/4 tsp. granulated garlic
1 tsp. Spice Islands Italian Herbs
1 tblsp. parsley flakes
1/8 tsp. tarragon flakes
1/4 tsp. sweet basil
1/4 tsp. rubbed sage
1/4 tsp. rosemary leaves
1/4 tsp. tyme
1 tsp. sugar
2 tsp. salt
1/2 tblsp. dehydrated red pepper
1/4 tsp. crushed red pepper
1/2 tsp. coarse black pepper
1/8 tsp. cayenne red pepper

Simmer on low low, low, low for two hours, stirring every 20 minutes.

Let cool for 10 minutes. Then skim off grease. Throw pot away because you'll never get bottom clean.

*** Easily makes enough for 3 pounds of spaghetti ***

Flatulent Andoo's White Chic Chilli

4 cans northern white beans undrained, mash one
1 can chicken broth
2 cups diced cooked chicken breast
1 medium onion diced
2 cans sliced green chillis (mild to hot to your taste)
2 Tbls crushed fresh* garlic
1 Tbls lime juice
1 Tbls ground** cumin
1 tsp ground** oregeno
1/4 tsp ground** clove

"can" means regular size roughly 15 oz can by volume.

*fresh means "wet" and not "dried," so if you don't want to futz with garlic gloves, you can use the stuff in the jar.

**dried, powdered crud works fine

Mix this glob together and bring to a simmer in about 4 quart (that's roughly a gallon) pot then reduce to low heat for about 1/2 hour. Leftovers may used for minor tuckpointing.